There Was A Weekend.

And it was good! And busy. And exhausting. And fun. And emotional.

Shani and I drove up Friday night to stay with Lisa and Ria while attending Northwest Mission Connexion. Of course, by saying that we drove up FRIDAY implies that adventures began with the driving. Not true! Adventures began that morning, a little before 8am when I drove with Shani to the dentist to find out why her lip and chin were still numb a week after surgery!

Gladly, nothing is permanently damaged from having her wisdom teeth removed, but she does have bruised nerves. I didn't even know you could bruise a nerve! She should be totally back to normal in a few months. This is good. Our first apprehensions when considering the ramifications of potentially permanent nerve damage were how on earth she would kiss her husband properly with a numb lip!

Happily, this will not be a problem.

Because there were several things that needed done that day to prepare for the trip, I drove Shani to work and school in between errands. There were far, far too many things too do. I was really stressed out. Actually, have too much to do in too little time is on the list of Most Stressful Things for Melissa. I had a really difficult time. I did manage to convince my sister Carolyn to come over and do a bit of tidying of the house for me while I raced around like a beheaded chicken. Shani helped me organize the day a little better, so I could get the things done.

Of course, her plan went immediately put the window when I got slightly lost on the way to the nearest Walmart for an oil change. Well, not lost exactly, but despite the fact that I was going to a mega Walmart, they only had one entrance to the parking lot for those of us driving in the far lane! When I saw I would have to turn around, I promptly took the first available right. Onto a highway. In my defense, it doesn't look very much like a highway where I got on. With no turn offs for over a half mile, and knowing time was ticking shorter and shorter, I was feeling pretty nervous. When a wide spot on the shoulder came up, I pulled in and turned around. The blessings of a little car! I zipped back to Walmart, and drove around the parking lot, looking for the oil change. I finally found it, but they were busy, so I gave up, and went home to drop Carolyn off in time (okay, slightly late!) for her math class. I then went to the Walmart near our house (no fear of getting lost this time!) . I spent 40 minutes waiting for the oil change. They CLAIM I could have just not heard the announcement, but I have my doubts.

Also, when the oil change was done, they told me our front passenger tire is so bald it is now illegal. This did not unstress me.

I then zipped to my parents house to pick up my STILL dirty laundry (see previous post), and load the trunk with wood for Caleb, since he is too broke to pay for heat, but his apartment has a fireplace, and my parents have free wood.

I hate loading wood. I hate touching it. I hate getting dirty. I hate dealing with it.

But Caleb is special.

By the time I picked up Shani, I was pretty much a basket case, and when we got home, I discovered my 3ds was no longer in my bag, and I started crying hard. Shani took over at that point (bless her). She enforced me lying down while she went down to the car to look for my 3ds (she found it), and then proceeded to do all the packing and things. She also gave me a quick (and intense - ow!) back rub. Thanks to my little meltdown, we finally hit the road around 9 pm. Heh. On illegal tires. (But there's no money to fix that, so ... They will stay illegal for awhile.)

We arrived safely to be greeted by Ria, and proceeded to stay up past 1am talking. Oops. But friends are totally worth it! We decided to pass on the first session the next day, and made our way to Vancouver around 10. I drove, with Intense Concentration. Portland traffic, possible ice, and high bridges - not my favorite! (Shani drove the rest of the trip) We made it too late for our session, but just in time to get the last spot in the EXTRA parking lot, and headed in for the next session!

I liked the sessions, they were really good, but my FAVORITE was the main speaker, Libby Little. She really blessed my cowardly heart. BECAUSE SHE IS A COWARD TOO! (Cowards for Christ, UNITE!) She and her husband, Tom Little, worked and lived in Afghanistan for 30 years, raising their children there, treating ocular disease and things. Two years ago, Tom was murdered on a trip to the wilderness regions to treat little villages out there, along with other people. So sad.

But Libby wasn't sad! She reminded me a lot of Shirley and Shannon's grandma Peet. She was very sweet and demure and gentle. When she was sharing stories of hiding in their cellar while bombs and shells were going off all around ... I could hardly believe it. She seemed, well, NORMAL! Not a giant of faith.

She shared that she wasn't a giant of faith, even though giant things had been accomplished through her. She had been afraid and reluctant and wanting to go home, and so scared she couldn't minister to people, only cry out "Jesus, Jesus!" as she hid from the fighting outside.

This is somebody I can relate to. I am a frightened person. I don't like to do scary things, and many things are scary to me! But I'm also ashamed of being afraid. I feel like it's a failing in my faith. "If I just had more faith, I wouldn't be afraid!" But Libby showed me that was not true. That fear ... well, it happens! And even when we're afraid in scary situations (or not scary situations), God still uses us, and most importantly to me, does not hold our fear against us, or begrudge us our humanity. It will take me so long to really LEARN that God thinks I'm the most adorable, and loveable thing, AS I AM, trembling, and shaking and reluctant and confused, and delights in my awkward attempts to obey Him, and even uses my weaknesses to accomplish His purposes.

What an awesome God. I think He's pretty cool.

Anyway, we went home, skipping the last session of the conference, to spend the evening with Lisa (twinny!). She had delicious macaroni and cheese (no, seriously, it was AMAAAAZING!) We watched an A-team, and I got a backrub, and fell asleep while Ria was showing us this very talented British comedian. I was impressed with his wit, although not with his language. Language is not my favorite. (Pity. He was BRILLIANTLY HILARIOUS. ZOMC.)

The next day, after staying up FAR too late again, we texted Caleb to see if he really, REALLY wanted to go to church. He did. So of we zipped. (I think our exit was in record time). We went to a really nice little church (different from last time), and the service was great. I was convicted and challenged. (Not fair, lord! It was supposed to be a message for CALEB! Gosh.) There were also baptisms, and quite possibly the most adorable little six year old boy with a lisp. I wanted to take him home.

After church, we got marshmallows and other groceries, went home, and hung out. It was SO GOOD to just have *time* to hang out together, and BE. It's been way, way WAY too long. We finally dragged ourselves away at 11pm, and got home around 2am. Heh. Driving home was FOGGY. It was so foggy, it looked like we were going through this thick forest! Kinda cool.

I was really glad the next day was MLK day, because I needed the extra sleeping in. Still, it was a good weekend. I just wish that my friends didn't live so far away. I really miss everybody. In my ideal world, we all live on a big farm together, with houses spaced around the edges for the introverts, and a great BIG house for us non-introverts.

Maybe that's what heaven will be like.

Hurrah! No Death!

So, Tuesday last (January 8) I discovered a LUMP on my neck. I figured it was possibly a sore muscle, or a knot, since I had been lifting pretty heavy weights in PE earlier that day.

That is, until I saw it in the mirror the next morning, visibly bulging (slightly) out of my neck. I knew, THIS IS CANCER. When I called my Dad (the knowledgeable one), and COULD NOT get ahold of him for FOUR HOURS, I cried for FOUR HOURS. This brought on a headache, and miserable sick feeling. It also did nothing to allay my panic of CANCER.

Why I am so paranoid of cancer, I'm not sure. I have always assumed I would get thyroid cancer, since my mother and aunt have both had it, and I have had thyroid troubles. I didn't realize I dreaded it with a primeval sense of impending doom. After all, death is just death.

Psychoanalysis aside, I finally did get ahold of dad, and was assured that it was probably a swollen lymph node, and nothing to die from. Drink plenty of fluids, apply hot compresses, and it should go down.

A few days ago (Monday night, I believe), it began to ache and be sore. Also, another lump was developing slightly above and towards my ear. I felt confident that it was simply another lymph node swelling up, but it did mean infection was spreading.

Therefore, I toddled into the doctor's today.

I say "toddled" as if it were easy. It involved agonizing over where to dig up $20 to cover the co-pay, figuring out how to get there, since it's too cold to bike, and finding my new insurance card. All highly stressful things I find it difficult to make myself do. (Not to mention, going to the doctor made the word "cancer" whisper disconcertingly in my ear).

I arrived BARELY on time at the doctor's. Mom & Dad's car had desperately needed gas (I'm surprised I made it to the station), and upon arrival, I discovered the button to release the gas tank cover ... lid? was BROKEN. A frantic call to Dad allowed me to manually fiddle with the lever which is IN THE TRUNK. Who knew? Of course, this shot my stress levels up, and I felt all panicky.

Anyway, upon arrival, I filled out new paperwork (new insurance card, remember?), and then was called off to the Halls of Medicine. I weighed in, and discovered I weighed a good 10lbs heavier than my last weigh-in on the wii fit. This is always unsettling and disappointing. While I am in the process of examining my beliefs about weight, and self-image, I'm not going to pretend that those numbers did not make me feel like a failure. (Although such a concept is entirely imprinted by society, and has nothing to do with what Jesus thinks of me.) Also, it was frustrating, since I've been biking and going to PE ... I certainly feel as if I have "fit credits" that should translate into LESS WEIGHT. Ah well. That is a rant for another day.

I saw the Doctor, she was quite nice. It is weird that the nurses and doctors attending me are MY AGE. ... Doctors are supposed to be old, right? I didn't think I was that old! She checked my lymph nodes, and the whole string down from my ear was inflamed and irritated. So she checked my ear. TA DAAAA! Discovery! An EAR INFECTION! I felt like a little kid! Ha ha!

Most likely, my ear bits had been irritated by exposure to the cold when I'm biking (Tuesday is the night I biked home in the FREEZING), and had therefore been weakened and prone to bacterial infection. This has drizzled down into my lymph nodes where they tried to stop it (that is their job), hence causing the swelling. I have been prescribed antibiotics (say it like this: anti-bioh-ticks, it's funnier, I promise!), and I should be fine. ^_^

Unless it really is cancer, in which case nothing will change, and I'm due back for a neck ultrasound and blood test. :3

(It's an ear infection.)

I Am A Success!

Or at least, I feel like one. In both choir classes, everybody LOVED the music I chose, although my changed boy is nervous about singing them. (Worried they'll be too hard.) Anyway, the amount of enthusiasm certainly lifted my spirits! I don't always pick all hits. Part of that is education, I can hear things the students can't, so I hear the way it will sound at performance, and they don't yet. Sometimes it is just a difference of opinion! So it is nice to have music everybody is excited about working on.

Also, the concert will be AWWWWWESOME. And ironic. Show is singing songs about joy and happiness, and Gospel is singing about dragging your weary soul to heaven. This contrast fills me with inner glee.

Speaking of irony! Irony is when you are nearly out of clean underwear, and try to send a load home with your mommy, pitifully explaining the sad state of affairs only to discover HER WASHING MACHINE IS BROKEN. I would have brought my load home with me, except Mum is insisting on taking it home, and washing "the essentials" herself. By hand. In the bathtub.

Which feels slightly awkward, until I remember this is the woman who carried me internally for nine months, popped me out, proceeded to change my pants for the next two years, and then continued to care for me when I was sick. I don't think moms have an "awkwardness" sensor when it comes to their children. A least mine doesn't.

I still feel slightly guilty about sending her home with my laundry to do BY HAND, but it seemed to give her so much glee to be able to do something for me.

My mom is a little strange.

Party Invtites

Well, I have finished three of the invites (without the ribbons). My fingers hurt, and I wish I had a printer. I am doing all the lettering all by hand. I do love doing hand lettering, but six invitations is too much! Also, I want some glittery stickers or something to put on them, although I can't really afford it, and they really need to get delivered. Perhaps if I edged them in glitter, it would look nice!

I am far too much of a perfectionist, really.

Weird Things About Living With People

I am taking care of Shannon as she recovers from having ALL FOUR of her wisdom teeth removed. It has given me time to reflect on the weird comfortability that happens when you live with someone for a long time.

Shannon and I have lived together for 6 years now. Wow. (Give or take - Shani complains I never add it up right.) I remember how stiff things were when we moved in together, and many of the things I swore would NEVER HAPPEN are now common place. For example:

I swore (to myself) I would not wander the house in my undies or a towel. Now this is common place - on both our parts! In the heat of summer, bikini tops, or undies, are the norm. Since the kitties, who despise all shut doors in the apartment, the bathroom door is usually slightly ajar at all times as well. Otherwise there is kitty wrath! This is not how I imagined things when we first moved in together, but it is quite normal now.

I never would have considered the possibility of someone else having access to my email, or other Internet accounts. We share the iPad and the computer, and leave accounts open all the time. There have been times when we have signed in to one another's accounts for various reasons.

Finances have changed quite a bit. For a long time, they were very separate and worked out equally. Now, they are all squishy and wishy-washy. We even use each other's debit cards when necessary, and do each other's banking occasionally. I was quite sure at first that if we didn't keep finances well pencilled out and equal, it would be a strain on our friendship. Finances are a strain, but not on our friendship! It is very much all for one and one for all, and we work to help each other achieve what is important to us. Much nicer than I foresaw, actually.

Even though Shani and I do not share a room (a GOOD thing, since I am a morning person, and she is NOT!), I can NOT sleep without her in the house. She is a night person, and her puttering around, talking to the kitties has become part of the background noise that helps me sleep! The silence without her there is SO LOUD.  I had heard of married couples having trouble sleeping when half of them are missing, but never of friends! Certainly not something I was expecting.

Living with Shani at first was kind of awkward, but now it is very comfortable. I can't imagine living without her!

Living WITH someone is good for the soul, I think. Of course, there are necessary quiet times, but it keeps you from being SELFISH. Rubbing up against the foibles, habits and idiosyncrasies of another human being provide endless opportunities for personal growth. Shani is a night person, I am a morning person. She's an introvert, I'm an extrovert. I have a head for numbers, she does not. Shani likes chick-flicks, I like Jackie Chan movies, although we both like mysteries. In many ways, we are REALLY different, but that has led us to grow a LOT. It is a good thing.

Right now, we are both on our lovely sectional, swathed in blankets. Her face is all swollen and huge,      and she is sleeping with the kitties on her feet. I am going to make some dinner for me, and when she wakes up, I will make her some more chew-less food.

Creating a Fairy Tale Party

I am preparing a Fairy Tale party for a few of my young students (and past students) who I know are interested in writing. After attending a friend's party in October where we wrote short Halloween stories, I was inspired to do one myself!

I am excited about the story I will be writing - it is based on a street name. Really! On the freeway between Portland, OR and Springfield, is a street that runs overhead named "Illahie Xing." For years I have thought that name was gorgeous, and needed a fairy tale to go with it. On my last trip to Portland, I finally came up with a plot befitting the name.

I have planned out the invitations. They are going to be books! Shani helped me come up with some poetical writing for the insides so they fit with the whimsical fantasy. We will decorate the apartment with books, candles, and glittery nature (I am a firm believer that glitter is something you can't have too much of).

I dearly want to pick out all the food, and have it be just perfect. But I can't afford to buy ingredients for fancy foods for 10 young ladies, and I certainly don't have the TIME needed to cook dozens of little fiddly things. So, I am asking the girls to bring desserts. I will, however, try to make cake pops. They are quite the thing currently, and I want to try at least once.

Perhaps the will be pictures of invitations and decorations and noms at some point! Oh, and costumes, of course, as costumes and fancy dress are "encouraged, but not required."