Failure is a Satan Word

I had an interesting day yesterday, with quite a bit of mental strain and stress. I spent $200 on a mattress (a good deal that I think will pay off in the long run, but $200 is not a quantity of money I just spend.) In addition, the fact that my beautifully planned out budget for the month was a miserable failure increased the anxiety I felt about the mattress.

I also went to Walmart and bought some necessities, breaking the budget even MORE, and, in the process, completely spacing out, and walking away from the cashier with my cart to grab an item I had forgotten (sandpaper), and taking several minutes to figure out why my cart was empty.

I'm out of it, y'all.

This morning, I woke up feeling down, tired and depressed. I got up a touch later than usual, and went about my routine, getting tea, feeding the cats, sitting down to read my Bible ... But it all felt off and unreal. If you've ever experienced depression (which I have, and am currently experiencing), you know what I mean. "Life" is more like going through the motions as you try to work around your curled up, miserable soul.

I began prayer time reading Proverbs, and then read some Matthew, not really feeling "connected" to Jesus. Then I began to pray. Usually I sing to Him, but the song felt like sawdust and salt and stuck in my mouth. So I just started talking. I told Him how yucky I felt, and depressed, and the worst part is not knowing why. Just ... down. And as I continued to talk to Him, and ask questions I began to realize and voice: "I feel like a failure."

Failure is a Satan word. I used to own that word, and believe it about myself, and repeat it to myself, over and over. I know now, that "failure" is not me. I wrote in my journal:

"Failure is not a word that describes a child of God. With His words, He brought into being all that is or was (John 1) With His words, He has declared me beloved, (Jeremiah 31:3) [daughter] (1 John 3:1, Galations 3:26), friend (John 15:15), forgiven (Psalm 103:12), righteous (Philippians 3:9), holy (1 Corinthians 6:11),  worthy (2 Thessalonians 1:5), citizen of heaven (John 14:3), complete (Philippians 1:6), beautiful (Song of Solomon 4:7), and good (Genesis 1:31). Failure is a Satan word, and it has no part in me."

I was feeling like a failure because I had "failed" to anticipate and provide for all our financial needs with my budget. How silly!!!!! I am not God! I do not want to BE God, and I am so grateful HE is God, and not ME! I began to praise Him for providing for our needs, I asked for forgiveness for making my budget without asking for Him, and trusting in Him (Thou shalt have no other gods before Me ... This is includes budgets) to provide. The Bible says over and over, God will provide for my needs. God will provide for my needs. Nothing is too difficult for God. If my earthly Papa knows how to give good gifts (and he does), how much more my all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving Papa knows how to give GOOD gifts!

As I continued to praise God for providing, and for His forgiveness (and forgiving myself, and since I was on a roll, I forgave some people in my past who had hurt me - feel the chains fall off, people! Oh, God is good!) my spirits lifted. I could sing, and laugh and I remembered who I am! I am God's beloved, and precious treasure, and I am so super cool and awesome that God delights in me, and takes joy in me, and He loves me SO MUCH, that He sent His only son to die on a cross so that I would not die, but have everlasting life! Oh! God is good! All the time! All the time, GOD! IS! GOOD!

I share this, as intensely personal as it is, because I want to remind you, failure is a Satan word. It has no part in your life. The next time he comes to whisper that word in your ear, be like Edna Mode from the Incredibles movie: