Fear vs. Trust

Jeremiah 42:5-6:
Then they said to Jeremiah, "May the Lord be a true and faithful witness against us if we do not act in accordance with the whole message with which the Lord your God will send you to us. Whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, we will listen to the voice of the Lord our God to whom we are sending you, so that it may go well with us when we listen to the voice of the Lord our God."

A bit of context: the Jews had just been conquered by Nebuchadnezzar, fulfilling the prophecy Jeremiah had been saying for years. The king had been carried off, many people were killed, and everyone was afraid.

I love how they say "Whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, we will listen to the voice of the Lord our God ..." I underlined those words in my Bible, because that is the attitude I want to have.

The Lord responds to them, and tells them to stay in Jerusalem (Jer 42:8 -22). He says "Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you are now fearing; do not be afraid of him,' declares the Lord, 'for I am with you to save you and deliver you from his hand.' (v. 11, emphasis mine)

What wonderful, pleasant promises! Surely the Jews will respond with joy, and settle down fearlessly.

Spoiler alert: Nope.

As soon as Jeremiah finished speaking, there is an immediate clamor against him: "Jeremiah is trying to entrap us, and give us over to the Chaldeans for exile and death! (43:3, my words), and everybody raced off to Egypt for safety, even though the Lord warned there was no safety in Egypt (42:13-16).

Fear is a powerful motivator. The Jews swore "we will listen," whether Jeremiah's words are pleasant or unpleasant, but they were afraid, and ran off to Egypt to save themselves.

I wish this was less convicting than it is. But so often, our words of faith "I will trust in You," "I will call upon the Lord," "I will wait for You," become empty promises as we race around trying to save ourselves (see James 5:12).

Jesus' words in Luke 17:33 ring heart-breakingly true: "Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it."

If the Jews had responded to Jeremiah's words with trust in the Lord, and obeyed, all would have been well. Instead they responded with fear that ultimately led to death.

Our relationship with the Lord is shaped by our relationships with those around us; parents, family, friends. People aren't always trustworthy. Many of us soon learn that the only person with our best interest in mind, is us! When God asks us to trust Him, our learned fear response kicks in, and we run off in fear.

I see this especially true in America, land of the independent, home of pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps. It can be difficult for us Americans to understand our dependence on God, and in our "can do," "instant" culture, waiting for Him to act is seen as foolish and lazy. It took ten days of waiting before God spoke to Jeremiah (42:7). When you're afraid, ten minutes seems like eternity.

In the cacophony of life's storms, it is difficult to be quiet and wait for that "still, small voice (1 Kings 19:12)." When we are afraid, the urge to "act now" is strong; it is hard to obey a command to be still and trust. But we are called to act out of love, not fear. "There is no fear in love; but  perfect love casts out fear, because fear  involves punishment, and the one who fears is not  perfected in love." 1 John 4:18 (emphasis mine)

We can trust that God knows all our needs (Matt. 6:32); He has promised to supply all our needs (Phil. 4:19). Until we actively begin to trust those promises, basing our decisions and actions on Who God says He is, and what He promises to do, instead of our emotions and faulty human examples, we cannot know God, and we will not know peace. 

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Eph. 3:14-21

Swimsuit Shopping With Jesus

I went swimsuit shopping yesterday - the summer quest women dread. I knew this year was going to be extra difficult, as I've gained 2 sizes this year from depression. You never want to be bigger when you go swimsuit shopping, but I had no choice.

Now, when I go clothes shopping for myself, if I'm going to be by myself, I consciously invite Jesus along, because clothes shopping without a friend is a terrible experience. Of course, swimsuit shopping is even worse than normal shopping, and it is so easy to quickly fall into the trap of "My body is all wrong! Nothing fits!" Before I started, I asked Jesus to please have the perfect suit for me, that I would feel pretty in and would fit my body well. That is a tall order coming from a plus-size woman. 

Because money is tight, I went to Walmart first. There is a six item limit in the changing rooms, so I had to undress, strain and squeeze myself into suits that only partially went on, change back into my clothes, go out to the cart, return with a new load, etc. Of course, the only suit that went ON properly was the last one I tried on, and it made me feel very ugly.  I did not feel properly covered, and thought the expanding polka-dot print made me look like a gangrenous, bloated whale. Disheartened, I texted Shannon about possibly checking Lane Bryant. A store considerably out of my budget, but one that I found guarantees a good fit. She texted back that I should *not* get the whale suit (to my relief!), so I headed for the car. 

As I was leaving Walmart, I had a little thought of "Go to Fred Meyer's" pop up. I set it aside for later, doubting that Freddy's would have anything, and went to Lane Bryant.

I hadn't visited Lane Bryant's new location in Valley River Mall, so I wasn't sure where they were located. After driving around the mall, futilely looking for a hint or sign of their location, I parked in the shade behind J. C. Penny, and walked in. Of course, I immediately checked the store directory, but Lane Bryant wasn't posted (they moved in May). I peered down the store aisle before me, craning my neck, but did not see any Lane Bryant sign, so I swung off to the right, through the food court. I thought I had remembered hearing they were by the old Gottschalk's, but they weren't. 

After walking the full circuit of the mall (with a slight detour through Bath & Body Works 75% off sale), I ended up on the opposite end of the aisle I had peered down earlier. There was Lane Bryant! Hips, knees, and ankles aching, I waddled painfully toward the store, and gratefully stepped inside.

I've always loved Lane Bryant. It feels so welcoming, which is not usually the feeling I plus-sized me gets from departments stores. Sadly, THEY WERE ALL SOLD OUT OF SWIMSUITS. =_= All the cool kids go swimsuit shopping in March. I found out I could still order online, and sadly left the store, walking a few steps to reach J C Penny's, and then out to my car. 

Hot, aching and exhausted, I resolved to pop in to Fred Meyer's, just in case, but I didn't hold out much hope. I was a little alarmed walking in to Freddy's, because I could see a lot of clearance items, but NO swimsuits! Dispirited, I wandered past the bright sundresses to the back end of ladies' wear, and TA DA! I found them! Swimsuits!! Hurrah!

Not only were there several suits to choose from, there were a variety of sizes, and many sizes for ME! Every suit I brought into the fitting room (with no silly limit of six items) went on easily, without feeling like I was trying to stuff and squeeze myself into a misshapen sausage skin. I actually got to choose which suit I felt prettiest in, with the color and pattern I liked (hot pink!), instead of being forced to choose between the lesser of two evils. It was wonderful.

I really like my new suit. The hot pink color pleases me. I feel properly covered, and I know I would feel comfortable sitting or walking around after swimming without having to change. 

I should have listened to that still, small, voice the first time.