A Guide (that was supposed to be quick, but isn't) to Eating Better

So, for the past few years, I've been poking around and learning about nutrition. Not at the speed of light or anything, just ... here and there.

The biggest thing I've learned: EVERYBODY DISAGREES.

No matter what research you read, you will find someone else who has done research that differs, or even contradicts, what you just read.

This is frustrating and confusing.

However, I have grasped enough to form my own, and I hope, informed opinions.

My Shani has recently expressed she just doesn't know about nutrition, and as I see the multiple posts on Pinterest about "healthy" recipes, I have reached the conclusion that Shani is by no means alone.

On the other hand, she also said she doesn't want to make food complicated, and considering the amount of confusing, complicated information (as well as experimentation with my own body) that I've waded through, I don't blame her.

So, I'm putting together this quick guide to eating better. Not best, not perfectly, not "healthily," but better.

Not that it's difficult to find an improvement to the typical American diet.

1. Know that you are going to be swimming counter-culture against a really strong current.
The American diet is based on profit and convenience. Food manufacturers are all about increasing their profit margin (frequently backed by government grants), and our culture of over-busyness and over-commitment means all those packaged "foods" are the only thing we can fit into our schedule. If you want to eat better, know that you will need to make time and space for it, and you will be the weird one among your friends.

2. Focus on REAL versus FAKE. 
Our super-processed convenience meals that can be ready in "five minutes or less!" are made up of more chemicals, preservatives and dyes than actual food. If you want to scare yourself, read the ingredients on the backs of some of that stuff. I don't even know what some of that stuff IS, but food, it ain't!
Actually, the more you process food (grind, cut, bake, boil, mix, etc) the more nutrients are released from the food. So when you're buying bread, or pasta, or microwave dinners, which have been processed, dyed and preserved to fit in that little box, you're not getting the nutrition in the grains, meat, vegetables or fruits that originally made that meal - although you WILL be getting all those delicious "extra" chemicals to make sure the "food" doesn't perish.

So, when at all possible, make your own food. OR, choose foods that only have ingredients you can recognize.

And btw, High Fructose Corn Syrup is NOT an ingredient. (More on that later).

3. Focus on FULL versus EMPTY.
Something that really impacted me in all my nutrition research was a comment I heard in a documentary that went SOMETHING like this, "We're overfed on calories, but starving to death nutritionally!"
A lot of the food we eat is super-full in calories (like one of those huge, delicious Costco muffins - enough calories to equal a meal!), but not at all full of nutrition. Calories are used for energy, but nutrients are used for everything else. So if you're starved of nutrients, you're going to feel hungry, even if you've already eaten twice as many calories than you need!

Focus on eating foods that meet your nutritional needs and are low in calories, instead of "empty" foods that are high in calories.

4. Where to get all those nutrients.
Basically the only nutrient Americans think of is protein. We LOVE protein, and tend to think all our nutritional needs come back MORE PROTEIN.

Actually, what we need are VEGETABLES.

Vegetables are nutritionally dense, while simultaneously being low in calories - how awesome is that? And we need a LOT of them, and we need a VARIETY of them. About half of the food you eat should be vegetables: kale, spinach, cucumbers, squash, zucchini, broccoli, peppers, onions, garlic, carrots, celery, etc. (BTW - potatoes & corn aren't actually veggies. Potatoes are a root - although sweet potatoes are nutritionally dense - and corn is a grain. Also, iceberg lettuce is basically useless, nutritionally speaking.)

Veggies. Eat them.

Since vegetables are about half your diet now, that leaves four "categories" of foods: grains, legumes (beans), fruits and meats.

Depending on who you talk to and what research you choose to believe, each of these food groups can be "bad" for you. I won't bore you with the details, because this is about eating better, not perfectly, and if you're eating real food that's nutritionally dense, you're already doing AWESOME.

(Feel free to read the research - there's TOO much!!!! - and draw your own conclusions).

Anyway, if you divide up the last 50% of your nutritional intake up equally between these food groups, you should be doing well. Here's what these things do for you:

Fruits: SO MANY NUTRIENTS!!! WHOO HOO!!!! THEY ARE DELICIOUS FOR YOUR BODY! YOUR BODY WILL DO A DANCE OF GRATEFULNESS! Also, they are packed with carbohydrates, and good sugars, so they're an excellent source of quick energy. (Warning: fruit juices can be absorbed too quickly into the blood stream, leading to a sugar high, so those are best taken in VERY small amounts).
Grains: Fiber! Carbohydrates! Roughage! Minerals! B vitamins! (Although you'll get lots of fiber, roughage, minerals and vitamins from your veggies, so y'know.) A big problem with grains is that they come to us so over-processed, that we try to stick the nutrients BACK in them by "enriching" them. This chemistry process done to my food frightens me. Also, many grains are genetically modified to produce more grain per stalk of wheat/corn, etc, and we're discovering that messing with food genetics might not have been the best idea ...
Meats/Dairy: Protein, obviously, America's favorite nutrient, minerals and some vitamins that humans can have a hard time getting from veggies. The downside to meats is they are high in fat and calories, so we actually need far less in our servings than we usually eat. Also, the meats typically served to us are low quality, and prepared in ways that are NOT good for our bodies. (Please, don't eat hot dogs or fast-food meats. Just say no.)
Legumes/Nuts: Fiber! Carbohydrates! Minerals! Vitamins! Protein! Good fats! (From the nuts) Gas! One of the protests about legumes is they can be hard to digest, although your body can sometimes adjust. Although, if you choose to go without meat, you'll need these plant-foods for the protein in your diet.

5. Things to Avoid Like the Plague.
High Fructose Corn Syrup. It's in nearly everything as a sweetener, and is basically food-heroine. Seriously, a slow, liquid death.
Aspartame and other sugar "substitutes." Cancer in a powdery form. You THOUGHT all those diet drinks were good for you, but they're actually killing you slowly, and, btw, making you crave MORE sweets. In my opinion, if you have to choose between regular soda and diet, choose regular. (Even though that has high fructose corn syrup. Although sometimes you can find imported sodas that have actual SUGAR, and that is AWESOME.)
Food dyes & preservatives. Please don't let your body become a chemical dumping ground for the food industry's profit margin.
White breads/processed white flour. This form of wheat has been SO processed and ground up, all that's left of it is the carbohydrate, which immediately turns to sugar and hits our bloodstream. This is why it tastes good, leads to a sugar high, but shortly after you will have a headache (sugar crash) and will be hungry again (no nutrients).

All righty! That quick guide turned into a long guide, and I'm sorry! But I hope this helps those of you who want to eat better, but not obsess over fooooooood!!!!!

Also, I'm sure there are disagreements with what I've put, as I've said, there are contradictions EVERYWHERE in nutritional research. So, instead of shouting at me that I'm wrong, feel free to gently and humbly share the research & experiences that led you to YOUR beliefs about nutrition!

I'm Not Alone

I've been doing better this week! I've wanted to post about this sooner, but - well, you know me, "Busy, busy!" (I'm working on that.)

After I posted my blog last time, something really, really amazing happened:

People called me!

One of my friends called me immediately, and talked with me about my struggles, encouraged me with his friendship, and assured me he would be there for me - I wouldn't be alone.

After that, my favorite sister-in-law (I only have one) texted, and invited me to come along on some errands with her, and my favorite nephew (again, I only have the one), then we went out for tea. (Bubble tea! Whoo hoo!)

I was so encouraged.

It helped me a lot, and now that I'm feeling a bit better, I can have some more perspective on what was happening to me emotionally.

Last year was pretty awful. I was very isolated. I had my children, yes, but my peers had moved away, (Caleb, Peter, Lisa) were enmeshed in their own difficulties (Bry, Amy), etc.

And the thing is, we're not meant to be alone.

I know my blog alarmed some people - especially the people who haven't experienced living with those kinds of emotions. But I'm proud of it.

I'm proud that I shared what I was feeling, because there were two good consequences from it:

1) I expressed how I felt by doing something creative and constructive instead of hurting myself,
2) I found out I was not alone.

I think that is the scariest thing for me; feeling like I'm totally, completely alone with no one to help me, and having to be strong all by myself.

But having people respond to me - show me that they care about me, that was so affirming!

It was also encouraging, because it confirmed that even if I AM busy and stressed out again this year, and even if the financial situation doesn't improve, there is something different, and it's a big thing:

I am not alone.

And that gives me courage.

A Bit Of Honesty

The past three days, it has been really hard not to cut myself.

And that really scares me.

I don't want to cut myself, and I hate that the desire is even still a part of me. I want so badly to be "normal," and instead I find myself fighting back tears, fighting back anxiety attacks, and trying to ignore the tingly sensations from my wrists.

Yeah, that's a thing. I have an actual physical sensation in my wrists that will only go away if I scratch at them until they bleed.

I haven't, yet.

I haven't scratched/cut in 14 months. And I've only done it once in the past 26.

I really don't want to break that streak. I want it to continue on until I die of old age. I never want to cut myself again.

And yet here I am, in that place again, fighting desperately against anxiety, ignoring the twitch in my fingers and itch in my wrists, and feeling so trapped, like there's no way out.

I feel so buried.

I remember reading the story of Sinbad the Sailor, and on one of his seven journeys (and, I'm sorry, but I would have stopped journeying after the FIRST major disaster, riches or not!) he was buried alive with his dead wife.

I remember reading about how he was forced to follow her dead body into the tomb, how he had one drink of water and one loaf of bread with him. How the air was dusty and smelled of cobwebs, old linen and death. How they rolled the stone across the tomb, and it was dark. How he sat there on the cold stone slab beside the body of his dead wife, and just waited.

No hope of escape. Just waiting to die, and hoping it would come sooner rather than later.

I feel like Sinbad right now, watching the stone get rolled across the tomb, and all the light disappearing, and the air getting hot and close, filled with the dust of corpses.

No wonder I'm not coping, feeling like that. o_O;

I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure how to cope. The healthy part of me says, "This will pass. What you thought was going to happen, isn't, but things could still be okay!"

The rest of me is screaming, "I can't do this anymore!!!!!" I can't face another nine months of hopelessness, trapped in a burdensome, never-ending cycle of working, working, working and never having enough money, of always being completely stressed out and exhausted, of being completely isolated because of busyness.

We didn't even "really" get to celebrate Christmas last year!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Christmas is special. I know the cliche "It's about love, and family, and togetherness, and Jesus," but when you're so exhausted you feel constantly sick, and you feel totally frustrated at every turn because you can't give like you want too, and you don't have time for even the FREE Christmas traditions ...

It's really hard.

Right now, as I look at my life, all I can see for the next year is more isolation, more loneliness, more exhaustion, more feeling sick all the time, and no fun. EVER.

I only realized a couple weeks ago that last school year, I didn't do anything that was just ME. I didn't game. I didn't geek out about anything. I didn't hang out with friends. I didn't have any parties. I didn't do anything that was just ME.

Okay, maybe a couple things. Caleb came over for a short Christmas time with us. Aaaaaaaand ... that is all I remember doing.

*whimper*

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

I know all the pat answers: "You're just not trusting God enough," "Give it to the Lord," "He'll give you strength," "You don't know what the future brings, " "Things will be different, don't worry," "Just don't worry about it," "God will provide," and I know these things - I don't really need somebody to tell me these, because I'm already shouting them at myself inside my head.

But what do I do with the feels?

What do I do with the dread I feel at facing another long, empty and lonely school year?
What do I do with how trapped I feel into working at anything, just to make ends meet?
What do I do with the anxiety that is clutching at my throat, and making my heart skip a beat?
What do I do with the tingling in my wrists that I have to remember, every moment, don't give in to?

What do I do with the feels?

"Hear my cry, O God! Listen to my prayer!

From the ends of the earth, I call to You, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For You have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in Your tent forever, and take refuge in the shelter of Your wings.

For You, God have heard my vows, You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.

May [I] be [in] God's presence forever, appoint Your love and faithfulness to protect [me].

Then I will ever sing in praise of Your name, and fulfill my vows day by day."

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, my God.

 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”

These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
    under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
    among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
    therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
    the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

 By day the Lord directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?”
 My bones suffer mortal agony
    as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God."

Extrovert - Introvert

I've noticed lately that there is a growing portion of the internet devoted to telling the "differences" or "frustrations" or "problems" of introverts and extroverts.

There's a lot of stuff.

There's a lot of jokes.

And I think there's a lot of misunderstanding ...

Firstly, there is a misunderstanding of the meaning of the words introvert/extrovert. Culturally we infer they mean reclusive/gregarious.In fact, a quick google of the words will tell you an introvert is shy and retiring, an extrovert is outgoing.

But an "introvert" can be outgoing and gregarious. And "extrovert" can be shy and quiet at times.

My personal favorite definition is where you get your energy from.

An introvert gathers energy from being alone. An extrovert gathers energy from being with others.

I am an extrovert. My two best friends are introverts.

This has caused some conflict in our relationships as we've had to learn to live with each other.

One of the things I see going around the internet regarding introversion/extroversion worries me a bit. There are adamant statements of "just accept me the way I am," and a kind of like it or lump it attitude.

Can we just be clear this doesn't work in relationships?

Relationships can function (badly) with rigid "you-me" barriers, but they work so much better with flexible boundaries and sharing of needs.

In my relationship with my own two introverts, I've had to change some of my expectations and actions. They've had to do the same.

When I'm out in public with my friends, I (try) to think twice before I chatter with random strangers, raise my vocal volume, or be a bit of a spectacle.

I do this because I've learned they are uncomfortable with me asking random strangers about where they got their clothes, how cute their kid is, or whatever crosses my mind. I (try) not to raise my vocal volume or dance down the aisles of the store with the mannequin because I've learned they do not want to be noticed. 

On the other hand, they've learned that being with me in public is going to LEAD to being noticed, no matter how hard I try. (And let's face it, they love me as I am!) That I will laugh loud in the theater, and the only thing shushing me does is hurt my feelings. (And a crying extrovert is noticeable in a much worse way.)

I've learned that when they're feeling really stressed out and miserable, they need some time alone. It's not about me, but when they spend some time on the river fishing, or chilling in the house alone, when we get back together, they'll talk and chat, and feel much better.

On the other hand, they've learned that if I'm really stressed out, I need them to sit there and listen to me for hours as I "verbally process," and eventually I'll be able to be quiet and listen.

I've learned that my roommate needs some space after she gets off work. She just spent several hours with lots of people, and she's burned out. This can be hard for me, because when I see her after a long day apart, the FIRST thing I want to do is talk about our days!

So, I've learned to wait a little, and she knows that I'll need to be listened to later.

I've learned that while I think a party with lots of people is the best thing EVER, they prefer an intimate get together.(  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlT-6PRKL1Q )

That doesn't mean we can't have big parties, but they will need warning, a private space to escape to, and they're probably not going to be in the middle of everything with me.

Actually, Shani and I are an excellent hostess team, and the secret is using our differences to our advantage. I play hostess in the middle of the people, breaking the ice, chatting, introducing people, getting laughs, and she stays in the background, making sure food is ready, drinks are full, and things are running smoothly.

Because we've accepted our differences, we can integrate our strengths to make an incredible team!

And that's the thing. Relationship isn't about drawing lines in the sand, and saying, "You will NOT do this, and you WILL do this," it's about creatively meeting needs; both theirs and yours. This takes a lot of honest communication, and a lot of practice!!!

Counter the Culture

Warning: Some Readers may consider images explicit.

"Fitness."
"Healthy."
"Working out."
"Diet."

What do those words mean to you?

To me, they come with a lot of baggage, and as I've struggled to clear a way through the media messages, the fear-mongering, and the conflicting research, I've felt confused, hurt, guilty, ashamed, ugly, and fat.

Now, I'm angry.

I'm angry at messages like these that preach being "fat" is emotionally painful and shameful, with their accompanying images of women to show us what we should look like:

 Am I supposed to feel morally guilty because I'm overweight?

 I've seen the research. Only a few percentage of women can achieve visibly sculpted abs like this and be at a healthy body fat %.

 Frankly, when I think of the "best" version of myself, the things that come to mind first are kind, loving, gentle, encouraging, persistent, dedicated, Godly ... the last thing on my list of "best" is wearing a bikini and having a boob job. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's not even ON the list!

  The girl I've always wanted to be is one who would change the world. And I don't plan to do that in a string bikini.

 

 I'm pretty sure this lady was photoshopped, and is on steroids. Also, I love the implication that unless I have a body like hers, it should be covered in SHAME. ("Shun the unbeliever!!!")

 

 Frankly, I exercise so I can lift heavy things on my own (I'm a single gal), so I can avoid the heart disease and diabetes on BOTH sides of the family, and so I can be here for as long as possible! (Changing the world takes a long time!) And I'm really, really ANGRY at the explicit statement that A) without exercise one can never be pretty, and B) the picture of the lady shows you what "pretty" is.

 Oh! How useful! Now I have a list of how exactly I do not measure up! Again, can I point out that there are many very fit, beautiful women who do NOT have a gap between their thighs? Who do NOT have a "perfectly flat stomach." (That's generally GUY territory, ladies.) And I love being told that I am supposed to hate myself when I feel full.

It's true, food does not satisfy all my longings, neither does it define me. But that does not mean I have to conform to your definition of Who I Ought To Be Either. (And can we notice, HER stomach isn't perfectly flat either?)

 This ... wow. I have no words. Or rather, I have so many words, they can't all get OUT.

I have experienced emotional pain over my weight. I have lived through deep guilt and shame over how I look. I have literally chanted, over and over in my head, "I am fat and ugly."

You know what I've learned? That emotional pain was NOT from the fat. It was from a much deeper broken part of me that believed I was inherently worthless and unloved. Now that I have learned (through counseling and wonderful friends) that I am priceless and loved, I have no emotional pain over my weight or appearance.

I can get on the scale fearlessly, because that number is not a measure of Who I Am, it is a mere number! It can indicate if there's things I need to change in my life (just like feeling guilty every day indicated I needed to change things in my life!), but it does not and SHOULD NOT give me emotional pain.

 I see. So, if i do not have muscle pain from working out, I am supposed to feel guilty? Okay! Great message! Will (not) do!

 I've had lots of worst feelings than this. If this is "the worst" feeling you've experienced, I'd love to trade lives with you - no wait, my painful experiences have shaped me into a better person ... Thanks, I'll stick with the REAL traumas and tragedies that have shattered my life, and have now become beautiful.

Get a bigger pair of pants. Seriously. Has anybody else noticed that when you try on clothes, and they don't fit, you feel like there's something wrong with YOU? But if we think about this, weren't the clothes made for US? So ... shouldn't that be the other way around?

Another thing that angers me is how many of these photos objectify women. 5 out of 9 of these photos with women cut off the head, and focused on one part of the body. When you remove someone's head, and focus on a body part, they are changed into an object, rather than a person we can relate to.

These "inspirational" fitness messages are also clearly carrying the message for women to objectify their body! No wonder "being the best you can be" refers to a woman's body, since she's an object, and that's the tangible part of her.

I realize I'm using heated words. You may wonder why the above images merit such vehemence. That's because it gets worse.

It gets downright pornographic:

 (Cover image for a fitness regime for "perky" breasts.)

I'M REALLY UPSET HERE.

I'm upset that my body is not about me, it's about being sexy. It's about conformity. It's about "looking" good.

What about being good?

Are the cuddles I give to my nephew worth less because I don't have a flat tummy and a gap between my thighs?

Does the way I serve others mean less because I didn't find time to exercise?

Am I worthless? Is what I do meaningless?

NO!!!

Please understand, I am not soap-boxing about living unhealthily! Not at all. I am healthier mentally and emotionally than I have ever been, and I REALLY understand that I must take care of my physical health in order to BE THERE for my nephew, and to SERVE OTHERS better. (Ironic, isn't it, that to put the ultimate good of others first, my health must be a first priority.) And I am not living the healthy way I want to, but I am going to be.

But I am soap-boxing about how we understand healthy.
I am soap-boxing about how we view our bodies.
I am soap-boxing about feeling ashamed.
I am soap-boxing about obsessing.
I am soap-boxing about how we have gleefully jumped on a media bandwagon, and bought everything they sold us, without question.

Think. Ask. Research.

Don't stay brainwashed.