Melissa B Norland: Counter the Culture

Warning: Some Readers may consider images explicit.

"Fitness."
"Healthy."
"Working out."
"Diet."

What do those words mean to you?

To me, they come with a lot of baggage, and as I've struggled to clear a way through the media messages, the fear-mongering, and the conflicting research, I've felt confused, hurt, guilty, ashamed, ugly, and fat.

Now, I'm angry.

I'm angry at messages like these that preach being "fat" is emotionally painful and shameful, with their accompanying images of women to show us what we should look like:

Am I supposed to feel morally guilty because I'm overweight?

I've seen the research. Only a few percentage of women can achieve visibly sculpted abs like this and be at a healthy body fat %.

Frankly, when I think of the "best" version of myself, the things that come to mind first are kind, loving, gentle, encouraging, persistent, dedicated, Godly ... the last thing on my list of "best" is wearing a bikini and having a boob job. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's not even ON the list!

The girl I've always wanted to be is one who would change the world. And I don't plan to do that in a string bikini.

I'm pretty sure this lady was photoshopped, and is on steroids. Also, I love the implication that unless I have a body like hers, it should be covered in SHAME. ("Shun the unbeliever!!!")

Frankly, I exercise so I can lift heavy things on my own (I'm a single gal), so I can avoid the heart disease and diabetes on BOTH sides of the family, and so I can be here for as long as possible! (Changing the world takes a long time!) And I'm really, really ANGRY at the explicit statement that A) without exercise one can never be pretty, and B) the picture of the lady shows you what "pretty" is.

Oh! How useful! Now I have a list of how exactly I do not measure up! Again, can I point out that there are many very fit, beautiful women who do NOT have a gap between their thighs? Who do NOT have a "perfectly flat stomach." (That's generally GUY territory, ladies.) And I love being told that I am supposed to hate myself when I feel full.

It's true, food does not satisfy all my longings, neither does it define me. But that does not mean I have to conform to your definition of Who I Ought To Be Either. (And can we notice, HER stomach isn't perfectly flat either?)

This ... wow. I have no words. Or rather, I have so many words, they can't all get OUT.

I have experienced emotional pain over my weight. I have lived through deep guilt and shame over how I look. I have literally chanted, over and over in my head, "I am fat and ugly."

You know what I've learned? That emotional pain was NOT from the fat. It was from a much deeper broken part of me that believed I was inherently worthless and unloved. Now that I have learned (through counseling and wonderful friends) that I am priceless and loved, I have no emotional pain over my weight or appearance.

I can get on the scale fearlessly, because that number is not a measure of Who I Am, it is a mere number! It can indicate if there's things I need to change in my life (just like feeling guilty every day indicated I needed to change things in my life!), but it does not and SHOULD NOT give me emotional pain.

I see. So, if i do not have muscle pain from working out, I am supposed to feel guilty? Okay! Great message! Will (not) do!

I've had lots of worst feelings than this. If this is "the worst" feeling you've experienced, I'd love to trade lives with you - no wait, my painful experiences have shaped me into a better person ... Thanks, I'll stick with the REAL traumas and tragedies that have shattered my life, and have now become beautiful.

Get a bigger pair of pants. Seriously. Has anybody else noticed that when you try on clothes, and they don't fit, you feel like there's something wrong with YOU? But if we think about this, weren't the clothes made for US? So ... shouldn't that be the other way around?

Another thing that angers me is how many of these photos objectify women. 5 out of 9 of these photos with women cut off the head, and focused on one part of the body. When you remove someone's head, and focus on a body part, they are changed into an object, rather than a person we can relate to.

These "inspirational" fitness messages are also clearly carrying the message for women to objectify their body! No wonder "being the best you can be" refers to a woman's body, since she's an object, and that's the tangible part of her.

I realize I'm using heated words. You may wonder why the above images merit such vehemence. That's because it gets worse.

It gets downright pornographic:

(Cover image for a fitness regime for "perky" breasts.)

I'M REALLY UPSET HERE.

I'm upset that my body is not about me, it's about being sexy. It's about conformity. It's about "looking" good.

What about being good?

Are the cuddles I give to my nephew worth less because I don't have a flat tummy and a gap between my thighs?

Does the way I serve others mean less because I didn't find time to exercise?

Am I worthless? Is what I do meaningless?

NO!!!

Please understand, I am not soap-boxing about living unhealthily! Not at all. I am healthier mentally and emotionally than I have ever been, and I REALLY understand that I must take care of my physical health in order to BE THERE for my nephew, and to SERVE OTHERS better. (Ironic, isn't it, that to put the ultimate good of others first, my health must be a first priority.) And I am not living the healthy way I want to, but I am going to be.

But I am soap-boxing about how we understand healthy.
I am soap-boxing about how we view our bodies.
I am soap-boxing about feeling ashamed.
I am soap-boxing about obsessing.
I am soap-boxing about how we have gleefully jumped on a media bandwagon, and bought everything they sold us, without question.