I wanted to write something cheery, or write about some of the things I've researched regarding fitness/health/nutirtion, or ... well, any number of things, but today was just HARD.
Yesterday wasn't a thrill ride either. When I picked up Caramel from being spayed, I was informed that her bladder had been enlarged, when they "expressed" it, there had been "huge bloody chunks" in the urine. They sent me home with some meds.
I'm really scared! There was no indication that she was sick like that! And I asked the vet what it was, and they're treating the symptoms, but apparently with cats, it could be any NUMBER of things.
It cost an extra $17, and we'll have to take her back to the REGULAR vet (at $40 a visit, never mind lab work, etc), and get more meds. I'm also worried about how we can tell if she's getting sick like that ...
It's pretty scary.
Beyond that ... I'm feeling really awful. Like ... really, really awful. It's always hard how to know how to say that. Because it's not really considered socially acceptable to FEEL awful. You can have a "bad day," but you're not supposed to feel TOO bad. And then there's the complication of how you explain your emotions to somebody. Will they accept them? Will they be frightened of them? Will they laugh at them?
For me personally, I really struggle with thinking my emotions are important at ALL. And that makes sharing them extra-super-REALLY hard.
I figured some things out, but ... I still really hurt.
It's kind of like knowing what kind of disease you're dying from ... Gives it a name, but doesn't actually fix anything.
And right now, I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix what's hurting me, I just have to ... accept it, and live with it.
Not the happiest diagnosis, as it were.
Anyway, I don't feel like anybody wants to read about how miserable I am, so I'll toddle off, and pretend to go to bed or something. ^_^
Night.
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