Stuff I want to talk about:
- Ewan's visit
- Sickness
- My art
- Empathy
That list is mostly for my remembrance. ^_^
Ewan's visit! I got to watch Ewan all day on Tuesday! Eee! *swoon* Which is why there was no blog. Babies are constant. Okay, Ewan's not a BABY anymore, but he's still pretty constant. I love him to bits, and there were times on Tuesday when my heart throbbed with longing to have small-child time ALL the time, but my brain was also intelligent to note that after a few days of spending all my energies focusing on another small person, I would really need some time for me and my own stuff!
It reminded me how sensitive and helpful we need to be to mommies with small children. Because there's not really a break for them.
It was loads of fun though. He was under the weather, so we took it easy. We watched Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. Mister Rogers is an amazing, incredible man. I teared up more than once because the words he was saying were so true to ME. "What do you do with the mad that you feel?" "You're special." "I like you." "You make every day a special day, just by being you." The wisdom he speaks is profound at every age.
I loved how sensitive he was to things that might be scary. He went to a fire station and put on a mask, etc. He asked the fire chief (who was helping him) if he looked scary, and then told the camera that it was still alright because it was him under there. How sensitive! How kind!
It was funny, I told Ewan we were going to watch Mister Rogers, and he said, "No, I want to watch Mickey Mouse! No, I want to watch Spider-man!" But within moments of Mister Rogers opening the door, looking at the camera and singing, "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor! Would you be mine?" He was entranced.
I was too. Security, love and acceptance. <3 Mister Rogers.
We also went for a slow walk later that day. Walking with a small child involves a LOT of patience, and surrendering your own agenda. Ewan's first response was, "I don't have a stroller, Issa!" I explained he could walk on his own two feet.
I enjoyed him thoroughly, but we went very, very slow. If I had been focused on walking a certain distance, or getting to a place (I had hopes for the library ...), or walking a certain speed, I would have been frustrated and angry. Ewan had to run ahead, and then run backwards. He had to take time to sit in the bark mulch and jump and stomp in the puddles. He had to stop and talk to EVERY kitty and doggie. He had to run around every telephone pole and swing on the stop signs. He had to hide behind trees. He had to stop and imitate the crow in the trees, asking, "What's that, Issa? Caw caw!" He had to examine the fire hydrants, and climb on top of things and jump off.
I had to keep up a running stream of awareness and chatter. "Here comes a street, now you must hold my hand. Look both ways. Okay, keep looking, here we go. Stay on the sidewalk. That's a crow! He's up there in that tree, waaaay up high! That's a rock. Leave the rocks alone, they're dirty. That's bark mulch. Here's a parking lot, hold my hand. I see you!"
The whole time I was doing this, I was smiling and enjoying myself hugely, and also aware that I was setting myself aside to focus on Ewan's needs and capabilities.
I'm pretty sure there's a metaphor in there about how Christ walks with us in our lives. Especially since Ewan didn't *quite* stay out of trouble the whole time. :3
I was pleased to make somebody's day on the walk. There were two older women coming down the narrow sidewalk, and I took the opportunity to example some manners to Ewan. I took his hand and told him, "We're going to wait over here Ewan, being courteous to these two lovely ladies." I wasn't thinking of anything other than "Teach Ewan Respect for Others," but then they suddenly exclaimed, "Oh! She called us lovely!" and they went by smiling and glowing.
A thoughtless comment made their day.
I'm glad I've worked hard to make my thoughtless comments ones of kindness (usually).
Anyway, we had fun. Ewan was grumpy after waking up from his nap (post-walk), but that's okay.
My Caleb stopped by that afternoon, and flabbergasted me! He knocked on the door at 4:30, and I opened it, expecting to see Amy. It took me a second to realize it was CALEB, and then I glomped him. ^_^ I was not expecting to see him at ALL that day. He's down for his mom's wedding, and I was pretty worried that we wouldn't get to spend ANY time together at all, but the three of us have managed to squeeze some in around the corners. Best friends shouldn't have to be squeezed in around corners, but WE'LL TAKE WHAT WE CAN GET! (Oh, busyness, I despise thee.)
I've been thinking about my art more lately. Well, partly because I've been DOING it more lately - which is nice! (Sayonara, FB!) But I've noticed there are two ways that I touch peoples hearts: with my voice and with my art.
Which is ironic, because I'm not the best at either of those things.
But somehow, I'm able to convey meaning in through music and through pictures that I CAN'T convey through words, and my songs or my drawings reach out and grab people in their hurting places and says "Hey. You're understood. Your pain is real. And it's okay."
But what do I do with that? I DON'T KNOW. I know it's really important to me, because I WANT to touch people! I WANT to help them and share with them.
Heh, Caleb mentioned something last night, "You can't disconnect from anything, can you?"
No. No I can't.
If someone is hurting, I hurt. If someone is sad, I'm sad. If someone is doing something foolish or wrong that will ultimately bring more hurt into their lives, I'M ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE.
This is why I can't cope with Facebook anymore. I popped on for a few minutes the other night and UGH. AUGH. GROAN. The intense pain that settled on my heart as I read posts from people I cared about ... AUAUUUUUGH.
I will learn my lesson eventually, and never get on again. @_@
Anyway. Art.
What do I do with it? To quote Uncle Ben, "With great power comes great responsibility," and I think I have a responsibility to use my talents to help people. But I don't know how. And frankly, I would *like* to do it in some way that has everybody know me and gets me famous. Because I like attention and I like to be noticed.
Now you know I'm not as nice as y'all thought I was. *sigh* I do have a very competetive spirit. It sticks little pins into me whenever I hear of someone being better at something than me, or doing better. =_= I hate it, but there it is. I hope I get over this.
And I hope that my art DOES get out there and helps lots of people, but I also hope that I can learn to be content and satisfied if it just helps one person. That's just harder for me to take. :3
That bit kind of covered art AND empathy. Oh, one more thing!
I've noticed that I pick up on a lot of subtleties in the emotions of those around me, but UNLIKE Shannon (there's those pins again) I am not fully aware of them, or able to verbalize them. But my art expresses them. Go figure.
Aaaah ... SICKNESS! So! School was cancelled Monday. And Tuesday. Because half the staff and student body is ill! Well, we're open today, even though the staff and students are STILL ill, and I am now one of the casualties. ^_^ Except for Caleb yesterday, I spent the day watching through the X-men series (my brother's copies of the DVD's are here at my house, waiting for transfer to his). Today, I am blogging. Mostly because I sat down at the computer to email my kids what to do, and now I'm too tired to get up.
And I missed it.
And I like it.
Anyway, I'm not as bad off as the rest of the plagued population. No vomiting (THANK GOD. I HATE VOMITING MORE THAN ANYTHING, EVER.), and I'm not MISERABLE. Malaise, bronchial phlegm, coughing and loss of voice are my symptoms. It probably helps that I have had the sense shouted into me to STOP when I'm sick, and IMMEDIATELY retire from all other activities. Thank you, Shannon. So yesterday when I woke up and knew I was sick, it only took me an hour to talk myself into cancelling work and appointments (except Caleb). Then I just sat on the couch in a blankie, and focused on getting well.
Which I better trot off to do now!
Ta!
Oh, I'll leave you with the next two pages of the comic I'm currently working on:
I've been reading Spider-man comics, in case you couldn't tell.
Now it's off to the couch with soup, crackers and juice for me. N'cha!
No comments:
Post a Comment